Posted on

She’s a cigarette (I’ve never been a smoker)



“Hey”, I see her and I can taste my heart beating in my mouth.

Cold night, I can see the vapour when we breathe out.

Breathe her in.

She smells like she looks; embers.



I love making her laugh; I want that sound as my message tone.

I always think of something to say, the difference is she does too.



She’s with me tonight; our city.

Says she’s going to miss Chinese in Europe; at least the scenery will be good.

We both want the duck; this can’t be a coincidence.

(Cider) monteiths

She’s got so much to say and none of it’s about Instagram or T.V. I’ve got too much time to hear it.

Disciplined, but so open to experiences. She’s a real pirate; She can loot and plunder on the side for a night for the fun of it but she’s got a map to the real treasure.

Can she feel me look into her eyes? I’m trying to see myself in her; I hope she’s in these moments too.

Has she met guys like me before? I pray I’m not a friend.

Her: “The women in my family are so strong and successful, they inspire me.” She’ll fly past them.


Her lips look warm and she’s so sharp. Hot knife.

I want everything to do with her.

Her: “They have goon”

(waiter appears)

Me: “Can we have the house-wine?” …it never comes. Bad omen.

She’d never tried Chinese bread, “this is the weirdest stuff in the world.”

No these feelings are.

“$74.25 thank you sir”




Her: “I know that’s not your jacket but it looks good on you”

Does she mean I’m attractive?

Me: “I should give it back, but it’s too fucking cold.”







(She pulls out $20 in coins) told you she’s a pirate.


We’re close in here; don’t let me be close like a brother to her.

You don’t meet many people you get past the surface with. Especially not as beautiful as her.

Long dark hair, sensible clothing, she’s got it in spades but doesn’t feel the need to flaunt everything like lots of girls; she has so much more to offer.

Me: “When I look back on my time at Uni, you’re going to be the person I remember”.

I’m in deep here; is she coming swimming?

Her: “I’ll remember you too”.

I doubt it’ll be in the same way.



“Why not?”

Flick, flick, flick, fuck

Come here i’ll do it.

Flick, flick, flick, what the fuck.

Her: “I hope no one asks you for a lighter, this one looks fucking stupid”

Me: “I found it in the pocket!”

(different lighter)

Flick, flick, flick, flick, this is actually fucked.

She has to light hers with the end of mine.

You can tell we don’t smoke (for real).


Her: “I used to smoke a lot when I was 14”

Me: “Cigarettes?”

Her: “And weed; when did you lose your virginity?”

Me: “I just turned 17, wanted it to be when I was 16 so it sounded cooler.”

Her: “See I was 14.”

She doesn’t seem like the type, that’s what makes her so intriguing.


Bar 2:

Her: “This place has the most hipster beer.”

Me: “Are you a hipster?”

Her: “Do I look like one?”

Me: “No.”

Her: “What am I then?”

Me: “An enigma”

(Vodka lemonade)

Her: “I hate myself for booking a Contiki Tour.”

Me: “Just go with it.”

Her: “I’m so against travelling like a tourist, the fake experience, I have to see what’s really there.”

That’s exactly how I feel about her.

(Crumbled up Ecstasy)

Her: “Are you suggesting we rack this”

Me: “Yes”

Her: “Ahhh, you’re so bad, half of this will get me…”


Me: “Stop looking so suspicious.”



Chemical. She’s been pulsing through me for hours, half a pill isn’t going to do shit.

(Vodka Lemonade)

Her: “I never put x’s on txt messages, I haven’t dated for so long.”

Me: “Why?”

Her: “I dunno, because I don’t like many men or people for that matter, I’m not good at that stuff.”

Me: “But you’re here with me.”

Her: “You’re an Oasis.”

What the fuck does that mean.

Her: “If a guy likes me I can get really excited and into him, then I get hurt. Guys think they like me at first but when they get to know me that changes.”

Fuck I’m about to tell her everything…

Me: “I like you, I only like you more the more I find out about you.”

She’s so fucking beautiful.

Me: “You’re so beautiful, you’re special and it’s like you can’t see it”

Her hand covers her face. Bullseye on a nerve.

Her: “That makes me so uncomfortable, I don’t want to be judged for my appearance.”

Me: “You’re not. The person you are is what I see. But I’m telling you, you are beautiful and you need to hear that. You are astonishing and you don’t realise it. We’ve kind of been friends but that’s not honest because I’m attracted to you and I need you to know.”

She’s clutching my hand, this just got fucking intense.


Her: “I like who you are as a person and I’m attracted to you, logically it makes sense. I wish I could sit here and tell you I feel the same way but emotionally I can’t feel like that right now, I’m leaving soon, I can’t do this.”

Me: “I like being with you and talking so honestly. I’ve never met a girl like you. But I can’t deny I want to kiss you. Is kissing someone such a big deal.”

Real smooth…

Her: “Kissing someone isn’t a big deal. Kissing you is a big deal, it’ll just confuse everything.”

We never kiss.

Me: “I wrote you a letter. I’ve never written anyone a letter.”

She’s hugging her face into my neck, brink of tears (for who?).

I hold her waist, the smell of her hair is exploding in my brain; I’m clinging to this moment like she’s going to evaporate (she is).





Flick, burn.

Me: “I just hope I haven’t ruined your night.”

Her: “No, I’m glad you told me.”

Flick, flick, burn.




Me: “Guava shisha for 2”

Shisha guy: “Peach is good”

Peach it is cunt.

Our legs wrap together, it’s seriously cold.

We’ve survived the tsunami (I will rebuild).

She tells me things she’s hardly told anyone, so do I. It just makes me want her more.



I hate that I won’t be with her like this again. I want to follow her fucking plane. (I’m not a psycho).


I feel drained, she’s etched on my brain.





Her: “That’s the police station I got arrested at when I was 14.”

Me: “For shoplifting?”

Her: “Yeah haha. I cried my eyes out!”

Feels like she’s shoplifted something out of me. But she should have it.

(Smoke my last joint)


Me: “I knew I was going to smoke this with you.”

Her: “Please shield me. It’s freezing.”

Breathe out.

She runs her hands on my back, we’re so close; nowhere near close enough.


Her: “Lets go home.”

(Separate taxis)


She’s leaving. I can’t love her.

But I’m happy for her.

Maybe I’ll take up smoking.




About TheFeelest

I don't actually exist outside of my own perception.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s